miracle

"Clinging To The Cross" Tim Hughes"
"My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I’ll hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross i cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as i am free
Jesus, You are all i need
Clinging to the cross

Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail"



I need a miracle... now more than ever. I try not to let it show when I'm in public, but I really am not doing well physically and mentally. As most of you know,I've had problems with my neck since my first surgery July 13th, 2005. It has always hurt and brought discomfort, but I slowly learned to cope and go on with life with the pain. However, the story has changed in the past few months. It from from being very bad pain to extreme pain all day/every day... and on top of that I started developing some concerning symtoms. As of the past few months, I am completely dizzy all of the time, and this has caused me to black out from the pain and dizziness. I am drained all of the time and have no energy. On top of the constant dizziness (and blacking out) my coordination is off, and I have trouble with holding things with my arms and hands/fingers.

I was suppose to have an appointment in Boston in August, but that ended up not happening. My dad wrote my hip surgeon this past week about how its getting worse, and my surgeon emailed us right back. He apoligized for the delay, and said that he and a top team would do anything possible to come up with a conclusion (possibly even admit me for a few days for testing). This excites me, because at this point I just want to know what it is, even if its bad news. I'm just praying that they can figure out what this is once and for all. It scares me everyday when I am so dizzy that I need to sit or lay more than I can stand. My mind is in a daze and I need to be revived. People are not meant to live with fear and pain. I'll update this when we get an exact appointment date; I'm hoping that it's very soon.

If any of you were wondering where my mind has been lately, thats where its at. If I've been acting different when you see me, I also apoligize. I don't mean to be closed off.. its all I can do to stay 'together'. At this point, being out at church, school, or different places is a big task. This is very weird for someone like me who thrives on being around people and out. If you think of it, please pray for strength and answers at my appointment. At this point, they don't know what's wrong & I'm just praying to God from the depths of my soul for him to show them or pop the thought into their minds about what it could be.

Tomorrow morning I am going to Burlington with my dad (he's going to go visit Joe Cardinal in the hospital) and I am going to spend a few hours with Joshua and Sophie Avery because I miss them so much! I'm excited =)
Also, Pioneer Club starts back up tomorrow night. I'm in the 3 & 4 year olds class again with Jackie. I have a feeling that it will be a fun year. I love that age group.. they're too funny.

This is a lame update, but... its one, nonetheless.