many different thoughts

The day before I fell I bought a little plaque for my wall that says

"Where there is faith there is hope,
Where there is hope there is everything."

That means a lot to me because it is so simple, yet contains so much depth. When you have faith in Jesus (or anything, really) it provides hope. Real, genuine hope. That kind of hope can't be manufactured. When you have hope.. that is everything. I know the meaning of that line too well. My hope in seeing my dream come true of waking up one morning and being completely pain-free is EVERYTHING to me. It consumes me in a good way. You may think that it's a bad thing because my focus is only on myself and not on others, but in a way I can't explain.. it expands my heart and gives me enough room for both inside of it. I've never loved people as much as I have this past year or so. Especially children. Although I love every child in my church, some are more important to me than others because they're the ones that ask me every sunday & thursday "how are you feeling?", draw me cards, give lots of hugs, and do cute little things to make me smile.

Some examples that I remember..
*One night the Cardinal family came over to see me after one of my last surgeries. I was so happy to see beautiful Sydney & happy Asher. Half-way through the visit Sydney pulled a [new] kleenex out of her pocket that she had brought for me from her house. She thought that the kleenex would make me feel better and wanted me to have it. Whenever she sees me at church she asks "How's your booboo? Are you better? I want you to come watch me."

*Before my October surgery I went over to see the Avery kids. When I got there Jared & Judah gave me the cutest cards ever. They were home-made ones! Judah drew all bright, "pretty" colors that would make me happy. He told Michelle that he didn't want to draw my hair brown in the picture because brown isn't bright and "wouldn't make me happy." He was all worried. The cards made me smile and I brought them with me to the hospital and hung them on the wall to always look at.

*A few weeks ago I got a card in the mail from Kellon Lincoln. He drew a picture for me one day. I'm not quite sure what it was, but part of it looked like a red heart. It was so cute coming from a 2 year old.

There are soo many other stories about things that the kids at NTC have done to make me smile. They don't know this.. but they are what have helped me through these past few years. Their love for me and devotion to praying for me (some at the dinner table & some before bed every night.. thanks Ramsdells, Lombardos & vonBorstels!). I really owe a lot to these thoughtful kids. Not being able to babysit a lot and being more involved with the children's ministry has been the hardest part of this last big surgery for me. It's like the devil knew right where to hit me to get me down. I truly love all of the children & take an interest in their lives. I cannot wait to watch them for the week when Lanny is preaching & to be the leader of the 3 & 4 year olds for VBS.

I'll be off the crutch(es) completely in the next 2-3 weeks hopefully. Then, I can babysit a lot and spend more time with the kids I love. My close friends wedding is June 7th, and I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. I have a doctors appointment on June 3d to see if I'll either be on one crutch for the wedding or be without crutches altogether. I'm really really praying that my surgeon will say that I can go crutch-less. Due to the fact that my bones heal slowly.. I'm not sure how the x-ray will turn out. I really hope I can be off the crutch for the wedding, and for the next week (June 9-12th) to babysit kids at NTC.