I think I see gold

"I think I see gold
I think I see gold in the fire
Right there in the ashes
Is all you've desired
Oh, it's hard
As you press toward the goal
Don't give up
Don't give in
Don't stop now
I think I see gold"
-Ray Boltz

I've been trying to stay very busy lately. I don't like to have any time during my day or night where I'm not with someone.. doing something. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. That scares me lately. I need to learn to be content with myself. I wishthat I had some big, deep entry to write.. but I don't. My mind is in a fog and I can't convey what my heart wants to. I need this pain to leave me.

I was suppose to go to Syracuse today for a check-up on my hips to check my progress, and for the neck doctors to meet with me once again. I cancelled both appointments yesterday. I am so fed up and frustrated with the doctors in Syracuse that I said "forget it". My dad emailed my hip surgeon in Boston (Dr. Millis) to see if I could have a check-up with him this summer instead. He has not seen me walk & stand with two straight legs yet, so I am very anxious for him to. He's changed my life. We also requested that I get an appointment with a neurologist that helped work on my neck during my first neck operation (hopefully to gain some insight on the neck pain). There is one problem.. I may not be able to . If you have not had a certain condition since before you were 18, then you cannot get into Boston Childrens Hospital. We cannot prove that my neck pain was caused from my broken neck or surgery, so Dr. Proctor (neurologist) most likely won't be able to meet with me. I've met with him once since the surgery, but I am 20 and it will be very difficult to be able to get back in there. I'm hoping for a miracle and that Dr. Proctor will beable to meet with me and hopefully figure out what the problem could be, since everyone believes it is a nerve problem snd not a bone structure problem. I'll let everyone know when Dr. Millis emails us back.